He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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