Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize