R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
