there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
