This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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