Sponge bath it is.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
