Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
