Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
