Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
