right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
