I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize