He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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