Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
