I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
vagina is talking i cant
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
