The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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