listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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