well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
