I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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