so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
