Where did you get a picture of my penis
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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