Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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