Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
