jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
