I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yo dont text me then not text me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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