Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
