it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
