I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She bit a glass in half.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
