I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
