Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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