my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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