I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
