Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
