Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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