fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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