My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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