I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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