So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
