and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
