Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize