I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
