Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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