it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
