I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
