She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
