so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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