Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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