SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dick very happy bro
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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