i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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