I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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