Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
