Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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