I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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