and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
