You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
