a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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