my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
