Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
