There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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