dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
