That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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