i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
