He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
