Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
