Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
