I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
