Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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