My first STD was from a foam party
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
