took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
