dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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