im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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