The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize