Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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