I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
