matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
