drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
