Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
