so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
