Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
