I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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