Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
