my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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