I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
