Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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