I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
