In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
