you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
