Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
