That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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