If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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