You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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