I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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