you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
