Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
