Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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