I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize