margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
