I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Farmville is her only friend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
