The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
