I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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