When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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