Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
